Feeling Like the New Kid Again: Embracing Uncertainty in New Situations
Let’s be real—being the “new person” in any situation is awkward. Whether you’re stepping onto a new team, walking into an established group, or trying something entirely outside of your comfort zone, it can leave you questioning yourself. If you’re feeling this way, know you’re not alone. Even as a 40-something-year-old woman working in sports—a field where I constantly find myself navigating new teams and spaces—I still wrestle with those “do I belong here?” moments.
Here’s the thing: growth and discomfort go hand in hand. You can’t level up without stretching yourself, but you can show up for those moments feeling just a little more grounded. Here’s how I combat those unsure feelings when I’m stepping into something new:
1. Stand Firm in Who You Are
First things first: not everyone is going to like you or welcome you with open arms—and that’s okay. You’re not for everyone, and everyone isn’t for you. The key is to stay true to yourself and remember what you bring to the table. Your vibe will naturally attract the right people.
2. Look for the Allies
Every group has its unifiers, the people who seem to radiate kindness and make others feel included. Seek them out. They’re the ones who can make those first few interactions less daunting and set the tone for a positive experience. This doesn’t mean to tell them your life story from the start, take time and learn who you can trust.
3. Visualize the Scenario
Before walking into any new situation, I spend a few moments visualizing how I want to show up. What energy do I want to bring? How do I want to respond to challenges? This practice sets the tone for a more confident entrance and helps me focus on what I can control.
4. Connect to Your Why
When things feel uncomfortable or overwhelming, I remind myself why I’m there in the first place. Maybe it’s to grow, to make a difference, or to connect with like-minded people. Your purpose is bigger than your nerves.
5. It’s Not Just About You
This one’s a game-changer: you’re not the only one evaluating. I remind myself that I’m “judging” them as much as they’re judging me. Am I vibing with this group? Is this the environment I want to be a part of? It’s not a one-way street, and that mindset takes the pressure off.
6. Prepare and Let Go
I do my best to prepare beforehand—whether that’s doing research, rehearsing introductions, or just hyping myself up—but I also remind myself that anything beyond my control isn’t worth stressing over. Show up prepared, but let go of the rest.
7. “Let Them”
Mel Robbins talks a lot about the concept of “let them.” People are going to do what they do, say what they say, and act how they act. You can’t control their behavior—you can only control your own. So, let them. Focus on how you want to respond and keep moving forward.
Handling the Day-Of Jitters
Even with all the prep in the world, anxiety can hit like a ton of bricks right before you walk into a new situation. Here are a few ways I manage those spikes of nervous energy:
Breathe and Ground Yourself: Take a few deep breaths, focusing on the inhale and exhale. If you’re standing, plant your feet firmly on the ground and feel your connection to the earth. This helps anchor you in the moment. Something I tell myself is “You can’t die if you’re breathing” which tends to help my anxiety spikes.
Limiting caffeinated beverages is helpful too, because those can give you those spikes that you don’t need in these situations. Little shakes or nervous bellies can be magnified by caffeine.
Positive Self-Talk: Ditch the “what ifs” and replace them with affirmations. “I’ve got this.” “I’m prepared.” “I’m enough.” Simple, but powerful.
Set a Small Goal: Instead of focusing on the big picture, pick one small, actionable goal for the day. It could be introducing yourself to one person or actively listening during a conversation.
Wear Your Confidence: Whether it’s a power outfit, a favorite accessory, or even just standing up straighter, sometimes confidence is about how you carry yourself.
Plan a Post-Event Treat: Having something to look forward to—a favorite snack, a cozy night in, or even a pep talk with a friend—can ease some of the pressure and give you a reward for showing up. My personal is Lululemon when I commit to a new physical activity. :)
The bottom line? Feeling uncomfortable is part of the process, but it’s also where the magic happens. Every time you push through those moments of self-doubt, you grow a little stronger, a little more resilient, and a lot more confident.
So, whether you’re stepping into a new team, joining a new group, or just navigating a new chapter in life, give yourself grace. You’ve got this—and trust me, the world is better for having you in it.
Let me know in the comments: How do you handle those “new kid” moments? I’d love to hear your tips and tricks!
