Does Your Program Create Belonging? Take the Audit.
Two weeks into lacrosse season, I got an email from my son's science teacher.
It wasn't about missing work. It wasn't about a rough day or a behavioral incident. It was the kind of email parents like me — parents who are used to the other kind — don't always know how to receive.
He was engaged. He was showing up. Something had shifted.
Two weeks. That's all it took. Not a new medication, not a new therapist, not a new school. A team. A place where he belonged.
My son Chace has had five homes before the age of six. He was removed from his birth family by the time he was eight. He came to us the summer between second and third grade, carrying a kind of invisible weight that most people will never understand — because when you spend your early years surviving, you don't get the luxury of exploring who you are. Identity formation is a luxury when you're in survival mode.
So now he's a freshman. And he's doing all of that identity work — the work most kids do between ages four and ten — while also trying to figure out how to pass algebra.
But when he's on a team? When he feels like he belongs somewhere? He stands taller. He's in on the jokes. He knows the dynamics. He has a role. He has people.
Sport didn't just give him something to do. It gave him somewhere to be someone.
This Isn't Just About My Kid
What Chace experiences — that shift, that lift — science has been documenting for decades.
Matthew Lieberman's research at UCLA found that the brain processes social rejection the same way it processes physical pain. Not metaphorically. Neurologically. The same regions light up when you're left out as when you stub your toe.
Gallup found that people who feel they belong are 3.5 times more likely to feel fulfilled and 5 times more likely to perform at their best.
And the Trevor Project found that having just one affirming adult reduces the risk of suicide attempt for LGBTQ+ youth by 40 percent.
One adult. One relationship. One space where a kid feels like they belong.
Belonging is not soft. It is not a feel-good initiative or a theme for the year. It is a physiological need with measurable consequences when it's absent — and measurable outcomes when it's present.
But Here's What We Don't Talk About Enough
We talk about belonging for our athletes. We build programs, post inclusive imagery, write mission statements.
What we don't talk about is whether belonging exists for the leaders running those programs.
I'm an introvert. I carry a level of stress that most people in my life can't fully hold. The loneliness that can come with leadership is real — and it's rarely acknowledged.
But I've learned something about myself: I need connection. Even as an introvert. Especially in certain seasons of my life.
For me, it's pickleball. It's group fitness. It's the only place in my week where no one needs anything from me except my presence at the net. Running is great for my mental health, but it keeps me in my head. Community pulls me out.
You cannot build belonging for others if you've never felt it yourself.
This is the two-way mirror. We look at our programs and ask whether our athletes feel like they belong. But the mirror flips — and we have to ask the same question about ourselves.
So I Built an Audit
Because I kept having conversations with athletic directors, state association leaders, and coaches who were doing the work but weren't sure where to start. Who wanted to be honest about their gaps but didn't have a tool that felt real — not corporate, not checkbox-y, not performative.
The Belonging Audit is a free, interactive self-assessment for leaders in sport and education.
It asks 18 questions across three areas:
Your Organization — systems, policies, and public-facing belonging
Your Meetings — who gets heard, who goes quiet, who leads
Your Spaces — physical, digital, and psychological environments
At the end, you get a personalized results summary, a focus area based on where you scored lowest, and three reflection prompts to take action.
It takes about five minutes. It's honest. And it's designed to meet you where you are — not where you think you should be.
Take the Belonging Audit here →
Real Not Perfect
Belonging doesn't require a perfect program.
It requires a willing leader. It requires consistent, intentional presence. Small acts. Repeated. Over time.
You don't have to rebuild everything. You have to be willing to look at it.
Start with the audit. See where you land. Pick one thing.
That's it. That's how belonging starts — with us.
Dr. Lauren Young, EdD is the Executive Director of the Vermont Principals Association and the founder of The GRL Initiative, a platform dedicated to empowering women and girls in sport and leadership. She speaks nationally on belonging, millennial leadership, and the mental health of student-athletes.
