Leading, when it hurts

Leadership is often painted as a noble calling—one of vision, courage, and strength. But what happens when leadership calls you to act in a way that goes against everything you stand for? What happens when the path forward feels like a betrayal of your deepest values?

I recently found myself at that crossroads. Called to action—but not the action I wanted. Not the action I believed in. The decision before me was not just a policy or a directive; it was a statement that sought to tell a section of society they were less than. That they didn’t belong. That they weren’t worthy of a seat at the table.

And that? That goes against everything I believe about leadership.

The Weight of the Moment

When I first heard the news, I did what many of us do when faced with an impossible choice: I let it sink in. I sat with the weight of it, let the emotions crash over me like a tidal wave. I cried—big, ugly tears—because some things are too heavy to carry alone.

And then, I turned to someone I trust. My mentor. Before I even spoke a word about the situation, I told her exactly where I was:

"I’m at an emotional 10, just so you know where we’re beginning this."

Because sometimes, before you can be rational, before you can be strategic, you need to be human. You need to acknowledge the emotion, the heartbreak, the injustice.

My mentor didn’t tell me what to do. Instead, she asked me the kind of questions that forced me to go deeper:

💬 What is at stake if you walk away?
💬 What is at stake if you stay?
💬 Can you still lead in a way that aligns with your values?

I felt like I had only two options: stay and be complicit, or walk away and protect my integrity. Neither felt right. Neither felt enough.

The Hardest Choice: Staying

Then, a realization hit me.

If I walk away, the decision remains the same. Nothing changes.
But if I stay? Maybe—just maybe—I can shape the way this happens. Maybe I can ensure it is not calloused, that it is not cold, that it is not cruel. Maybe I can ensure there is at least some empathy, some dignity, some love in the process.

And so, I made my choice: I will stay. Not because it’s easy. Not because I agree. But because if I am in the room, I can fight for compassion.

I can make space for voices that might otherwise be silenced.
I can insist that humanity is not erased.
I can be a presence that stands against division, even when the decision itself is beyond my control.

Leading with Values, Even When It Hurts

The hardest part of leadership isn’t making bold decisions when the path is clear. It’s making the right decisions when the path is murky, painful, and uncertain.

I will lead through this moment the way I have always tried to lead—with my values. With the unwavering belief that no one is less than another. That we rise by lifting others. That leadership is about extending the table, not shrinking it. That accommodations are not burdens, but bridges.

This won’t be easy. It will challenge me in ways I have not yet fully grasped. But when the dust settles, when the moment has passed, I will be able to look at myself in the mirror and know I did not betray who I am.

I will have led with integrity. With courage. With love.

And at the end of the day, that is the only leadership that matters.