It’s time to look one another in the eyes again.
In a world where scrolling has replaced strolling and arguments flare up faster than we can process the words, Brene Brown’s concept of "common enemy intimacy" is a reality check we all need. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, common enemy intimacy is a bond that thrives on shared hatred or disdain for someone or something. It’s the “us against them” mentality, the bond that grows stronger when fueled by conflict instead of compassion. Sound familiar? And here’s the thing—it’s not real intimacy.
As Brene puts it, this kind of connection is hollow. It thrives on negativity and division rather than trust, vulnerability, and genuine understanding. It leaves a person feeling dirty and gross after engaging in such type of connections. And if we’re honest, our communities are feeling the strain. Too often, we connect by tearing others down instead of lifting one another up. It’s time to rewrite that narrative.
"You Can’t Hate People Up Close"
Brene also reminds us of a powerful truth: "You can’t hate people up close." It’s easy to judge, criticize, or even hate when there’s distance between us—be it a screen, a neighborhood, or an entire belief system. But when we take the time to look each other in the eyes, to truly see the human being behind the opinion or action, hate becomes nearly impossible.
This isn’t a call to naivety. It’s a call to courage—the courage to bridge gaps, engage in difficult conversations, and rebuild our communities from the ground up. Because here’s the reality: The world doesn’t need more division. It needs connection. It needs us to look up from our phones, step out of our echo chambers, and remember that we’re all in this together.
The Path Forward: Reconnecting
So, how do we start? Here are a few ways we can actively rebuild our communities with connection:
Pause and See the Human: The next time you feel judgment or frustration rising, pause. Ask yourself about the story you’re telling about that person. “The story I’m telling myself is >>>” Then, try to see the human in them—the complexities, struggles, and joys that make up their life.
Create Space for Real Conversations: Whether it’s at a coffee shop, a family gathering, or in the workplace, create opportunities for meaningful conversations. Lean into listening and be willing to share vulnerably in return.
Show Up Physically and Emotionally: It’s tempting to stay behind a screen, but true connection requires presence. Attend community events, volunteer, or even just go for a walk and greet your neighbors. Be physically present and emotionally available.
Practice Empathy: Empathy doesn’t mean agreeing with everything or everyone, but it does mean trying to understand their perspective. It’s the bridge between distance and connection.
The World Needs Us
Rebuilding our communities won’t happen overnight, but every step counts. Every moment of eye contact, every genuine conversation, every act of kindness creates ripples. And those ripples, when multiplied, have the power to reshape our neighborhoods, our cities, and eventually our world.
The question is, are we ready to stop tearing each other down and start looking one another in the eyes? Because the world doesn’t just need us to connect; it depends on it. Let’s answer the call.
